Again and again, I'm here on the floor
the snow is starting to collect
over my eyelids
sing again,
I'm crawling on the ground for you
for when you open your mouth
i'd be damned
if the sun didn't move out of those
clouds, those godforsaken clouds
keeping me in the brisk shade,
under the swallowing tree,
the clouds have captured me.
for my endless minutes waiting and
waiting, for the sun
to emerge from them.
there's nothing like
rubbing up against your pillow
when you're at a loss of what to feel or
wondering if you should have fallen asleep by now.
there's nothing like the grand scheme
of me trying to run around my words
like something is going to come out of it that
maybe you'll want to read
and it can mean
something, it can
mean a lot more than I
think it will, in the end.

Jenny Holzer is a conceptual artist whose "truisms" are publicly displayed in large-scale for whatever passers-by to see, read, and take in. Last part optional but highly likely. She's displayed her work through means of LED displays, billboard ads, architectural displays, building projections, and, my most favorite, her marquees. The style of her truisms/displays/art/words brought up topics of politics, [underlying] feminism, social norms, and violence. Many truisms and series held an authoritative voice over the reader, and often explores the psyche with her short, easy to read phrases/words that are REALLY good at picking at you. I love the way she challenges society, authority, media, and criminal acts in such a simplistic yet powerful manner; language as art. She's very arresting to wandering minds. Read more about her here.

I'd love to know how she managed to rise to the top though. My dream would be to interview her one day. Thanks for being so goddamn interesting, Jenny.






photos by Aëla Labbé

I would write something incredibly insightful yet maddeningly depressing on my bedroom wall or on my bathroom mirror with my YSL red lipstick. Maybe I’ll include that actually I stole it from Sephora, maybe I’ll make it look like I did paid $34 for it. Whichever is more dramatic. It’ll be that turning point in this mysterious movie about a lost young adult who gives her final words before either killing herself or running away. If she runs away, it’ll either be to follow some absurd dream or to destroy her comfortable life. Whichever comes off more tragic. It’ll be that reference point where so many creatives and cult fanatics always look back too. That point where she lost her mind yet found herself in the process. It’ll hit a chord with the thousands of people who sat there watching it. “She knows how I feel," is the overwhelmingly trite thing they’ll say about it. The piece won't do too well in the first few years but will resurface in the next 10 years and become some sort of classic that teenagers watch alone in their room on the internet at 3 in the morning even though they have to get up early the next day. They’ll replay that stupid lipstick part again and again, because it hits them so hard; it'll sting yet console; and they’re favorite song is playing in the background as she makes her climactic exit. That one scene will mean so much that it hurts; it’s fucking painful to see something that sits so deeply with your troubled, underdeveloped mind. 

So, this is my first *feminist* post. I've been thinking a lot lately about the male gaze, and how it effects any and all women, including myself. I've been reading a lot about it all over the inter webs, first on Rookie (1 & 2) and this essay on thought catalog. It's another tidbit of societal norms that's going to continue to pick at me, probably [sadly] for as long as I live. 

Today, before getting ready for another day at my "fashion" merchandising internship in an office, I ironed a pair of short, black, high-waisted shorts. I thought they'd be fine; it's a casual office. I come downstairs and my parents repeatedly say "no, no" and tell me to change– my shorts are too short. Then my dad tells me "there will be men around!" I was taken aback, yet hardly shocked after a second thought. Kendall Goodwin worded my feelings of anguish very eloquently:
" I suspect it’s difficult for men to imagine a world in which their bodies have long been inextricably linked to their value as an individual, and that no matter how encouraging your parents were or how many positive female role models you had or how self-confident you feel, there is an ever-present pressure that creeps in from all sides, whispering in your ear that you are your body and your body defines you."
 I just think it's interesting how I have to change my shorts because it's my duty to shield my body from the non-permissed and unwanted male gaze, even at the friendly environment that is my work office. After expressing my anger to my parents, I was written off as hysteric and dramatic, like I always am about my "issues". ~~~Soooo sad~~~

As a women, I guess I'm always going to have to deal with this. I guess my body is always going to be public to stares and scrutiny in the way a male's body never will be. But, I refuse to be mad about it if I'm not going to do something about it. I'll try my best to be vocal and not take shit thrown at my face like this, but that's not going to take away the omnipresent male force that's going to shame me for just being a woman. 

Dormitory basement is almost like a dungeon, right?

I haven't posted on here in a while, but as of recent I've been overcome with a newfound sense of purpose, and I feel like this blog could be a great outlet for some of my more creative ideas. If I ever get around to executing them, that is. 
I've been working as a fashion merchandising intern for the activewear department at a local (new england-based) casual clothing store, Bob's Stores. It's a pretty great experience, I'm happy to be offered these new experiences, although I realized I'm more drawn to the creative side of fashion, not as much the business. I think I'm too right-brained. Hopefully this internship can get me another internship somewhere else!

Here's the graduate collection of the designer Alexandra Poppy McGrady, who's currently working in the menswear department at Burberry Prorsum. I found it on used magazine, and I was immediately smitten. The clothes speak for themselves I think, but the art direction and styling (and everything, really) on this photoshoot for the collection is so very inspiring to me. 

"Her graduate collection, a hyper-covetable and contemporary riff on heritage wear - think North of the Birmingham border rather than hee-haw Americana - sees Donkey jackets and storm coats, overalls and turned-up denim trews updated with new textile treatments of wax and foil." USED MAGAZINE

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This was when spring decided to poke in to say hello, but I haven't seen her since. I frolicked to and from class in the sunlight with my sunset tights and holey sweater and brown lipstick, uncaring of any issues that decided to arise. The sun was here to stay, I thought, and that's worthy of a huge smile. 
Sadly, winter came back in full force with snow, wind, and it's usual 'I'm never leaving the indoors' mindset. I think about spring every day with her shining face and warm air. 
I can't wait until it comes back!

The last photo is a little unrelated, I know, but it was taken when the sun was shining on top of the parking garage, and that is my favorite place to be, so I thought it fit in well with my little ode to spring. 

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