I would write something incredibly insightful yet maddeningly depressing on my bedroom wall or on my bathroom mirror with my YSL red lipstick. Maybe I’ll include that actually I stole it from Sephora, maybe I’ll make it look like I did paid $34 for it. Whichever is more dramatic. It’ll be that turning point in this mysterious movie about a lost young adult who gives her final words before either killing herself or running away. If she runs away, it’ll either be to follow some absurd dream or to destroy her comfortable life. Whichever comes off more tragic. It’ll be that reference point where so many creatives and cult fanatics always look back too. That point where she lost her mind yet found herself in the process. It’ll hit a chord with the thousands of people who sat there watching it. “She knows how I feel," is the overwhelmingly trite thing they’ll say about it. The piece won't do too well in the first few years but will resurface in the next 10 years and become some sort of classic that teenagers watch alone in their room on the internet at 3 in the morning even though they have to get up early the next day. They’ll replay that stupid lipstick part again and again, because it hits them so hard; it'll sting yet console; and they’re favorite song is playing in the background as she makes her climactic exit. That one scene will mean so much that it hurts; it’s fucking painful to see something that sits so deeply with your troubled, underdeveloped mind. 

 I just think it's interesting how I have to change my shorts because it's my duty to shield my body from the non-permissed and unwanted male gaze, even at the friendly environment that is my work office. After expressing my anger to my parents, I was written off as hysteric and dramatic, like I always am about my "issues". ~~~Soooo sad~~~

As a women, I guess I'm always going to have to deal with this. I guess my body is always going to be public to stares and scrutiny in the way a male's body never will be. But, I refuse to be mad about it if I'm not going to do something about it. I'll try my best to be vocal and not take shit thrown at my face like this, but that's not going to take away the omnipresent male force that's going to shame me for just being a woman.